So big it hurts

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So big it hurts

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He thanked me and took off. I went to Walmart a few blocks away, bought new shorts and underwear, and changed in the restroom.

When I got home, my mom complimented me on my new shorts. Rather than chickening out, I grabbed the lube and attempted to make it fit.

I had to have an episiotomy, which meant stitches from my vagina to my ass. He started puking all down my back, and it ran into my hair, eyes, his bed, and the floor.

His sister knocked on the door to see what was going on. He ran into the bathroom while I, still covered in poop and puke, tried to put on my clothes.

It was impossible to leave with any dignity. I was too scared to have penetrative sex with him, so we always stuck to oral. One night, I was going down on him and decided I wanted to try to deep-throat.

His penis jerked and I got scared and bit him really hard. His dick started bleeding and he got really freaked out and made me bring him to the hospital.

Everything turned out fine. The doctor just bandaged it and gave him some antibiotics, but we stopped dating soon after. The next morning I realized I never took out my tampon.

His penis was so big that it pushed the tampon up too far, and I couldn't get it out. After 30 minutes I gave up and called the guy, asking for a favor.

I went to his work, locked the door, pulled out some medical gloves and a towel, and spread my legs on his desk so he could pull out the tampon.

He fished around for 15 minutes and finally got it out. His dick was giant, but I was being a trouper. Finally, he's like, "Lemme get dat ass.

He wasn't exaggerating. The thing was a solid foot long, like as long as my ulna. Its thickness was proportionate too, meaning it was like a goddamned soda can almost, but not quite.

I tell him I need to ride it to get used to it; he agrees. So, there I am, straddling this scrawny guy with this humungous penis.

I couldn't even get the head in. Bear in mind that I'm high as balls on meth again, I'm in recovery.

We tried for about 10 minutes. He started getting soft. I felt incredibly demoralized. He gets ready to go, grumbling really nastily the entire time, calling me a punk, a bitch, etc.

It's clear that he was very frustrated and this was a common occurrence. I was sort of scared — not that he'd rape me or anything, but that he'd beat me up.

He left. I felt incredibly demoralized, like I failed at my one primary objective. I never heard from him again. The more that I think about this, the more I think this poor guy, like, NEVER got to have intercourse because of how freakish and physically impossible it was.

Rather sad if you think about it. I slept with a guy with huge balls. The first or second time we slept together, he must have noticed me staring, because right away he was like, "Yup, those are some huge balls, aren't they?

Don't worry, though, it's cool. An ex was really concerned and made me go to the doctor about it. He told me I was in the 99th percentile, but totally healthy.

Lesson: If you're chill about your weird junk, it won't seem so weird. OH, also, this guy was bicycle rickshaw driver rider?

I went home with a guy I met in the drink line just kidding, it was on Grindr! He used to be a stripper at Austin's finest tacky gay bar, [redacted to preserve the privacy of the enormous penis-haver], had the body to match, and was apparently into me, so I naturally packed him into a cab and bolted.

When we got home, I grabbed his crotch while we were making out and was truly shocked by the dick I found. I have SEEN a fairly wide variety of dicks, including a fair few bigger than mine as someone with a B-student penis , but I have never seen a dick this big.

Its size is now sort of a legend in my mind, but I truly remember it as about the size of a Gillette [shaving cream] can. It was my first time seeing a dick that size outside of porn.

I can't deny that it was a really pretty, perfect penis, and its size made it just tantalizing — like a Wayne Thiebaud pie or some similar overextended food metaphor.

In what I would discover to be great hubris, I went down to try to blow him, and could barely get past the head. Did you know that during sexual arousal a process occurs whereby muscle tension in your vagina pulls your uterus up when you are really turned on, allowing your vagina to expand like a wonderfully roomy tent?

I magine it being like an umbrella and opening up! When this happens, even more room is created, which is why it is so important for your man to pay attention to foreplay, especially if he has an unusually large penis.

Remember that foreplay is essentially about getting into the right frame of mind, and turning you both on so that intercourse feels natural, and your focus is entirely on the sensations you are both experiencing.

A really good orgasm is based on equal proportions of physical and mental stimulation. When you are dealing with an abnormally large penis it is even more important for your whole body and mind to be in a state of relaxation.

The thought of his larger-than-life penis has probably already caused some tension in your body that will go against you both during sex. Your aim should be to get your vagina into a relaxed state of openness so that it invites him in rather than resists him.

Warning: Some women make the mistake of thinking that alcohol will help them relax, and while this may be true, it also numbs the senses making it more difficult for you to become physically aroused.

You may feel turned on in your head, but your body won't agree. Alcohol dehydrates you, and your natural lubrication levels will be lowered — a major problem when you have to accommodate a large penis!

Don't just rely on your natural lubrication if you know your partner is well-endowed. Use everything at your disposal to give yourselves the opportunity to enjoy sex together.

There are plenty of lubes to choose from and have some fun with, before and during sex. Go for a water-based lubricant as it will be least likely to interfere and cause infections.

You can play around with flavored lubricants and enjoy oral sex from your man beforehand. If he can bring you to have an orgasm or two before penetration your vagina is more likely to be receptive to his large penis and your muscles will be suitably relaxed too.

You are more likely to achieve an orgasm through penetration too if you have already had one or two prior to intercourse, because everything will be tingling nicely down there, ready to tip you over the edge again!

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